A Weekend at Soifon's
by Captain Omnitron
Summary: What happens when a totally unprepared Soifon is stuck looking after Ichigo's and Yoruichi's son for the weekend? Major hilarity! Planned as a two-shot story
1. Chapter 1

A Weekend at Soifon's

Bleach and all related characters belong to Tite Kubo. My OC belongs to me and me alone!

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><p>The sun slowly eased its way onto the face of one Ichigo Kurosaki. He grumbled and rolled over in his bed, not ready to get up yet, and wrapped his arms around his wife, Yoruichi Kurosaki. Yes, the renowned "Goddess of Flash" had settled down with the orange haired Substitute Shinigami. They had been married for eight years and during that time Ichigo had become Captain of the 13th Division after Jushiro Ukitake had taken over as Head-Captain, with Rukia as his Lieutenant. Ichigo grumbled again as he began to wake, much to his displeasure. He sighed as he just laid there, holding the dark skinned beauty that was his wife. Ichigo knew this moment of silence wouldn't last for long, and if his guess was right it would end in about 10 seconds. Suddenly the bedroom door flew open and a streak of orange made a beeline toward the bed.<p>

"Good morning Daddy!" The streak yelled as it began to tackle the orange haired Vizard. Ichigo grunted as he began to wrestle with his little attacker, a dark skinned boy with the same bright orange hair and brown eyes he had.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to do that Kouken?" Ichigo tiredly asked his son.

"But it's fun, and besides Grandpa told me to." The six year old replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Naturally Ichigo could handle his son very easily, but let him win. He saved the retaliation for his father when he saw him for teaching Kouken his psychotic sneak attacks. At this point Yoruichi woke up and stretched in the cat like way she always did.

"Good morning my Little Guardian." The purple haired woman said, using her pet name for her son, as she reached over and hugged her son.

"Morning, Mommy." Kouken replied as he hugged his mother back.

"How about some strawberry pancakes?" Yoruichi asked as she rubbed Kouken's hair. The little boy quickly jumped off the bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen to wait for his favorite breakfast. Yoruichi got dressed and went down to fix her son his food, as a Hell Butterfly flew threw the window. Ichigo sighed as he listened to the message, and it was from Ukitake. Apparently Ichigo along with a two other Captains were needed to help in the extermination of several high class Hollows that have been sighted in the wilderness near Rukongai. Ichigo went downstairs to tell Yoruichi, who had just placed Kouken's food in front of him.

"I gotta go find a few Hollow's that are just outside of Rukongai, and it'll probably take a couple of days. Well there goes the weekend." Ichigo said in aggravation. The Vizard looked over at Yoruichi, who had a nervous looked on her face.

"Relax, I can handle anything those Hollows can dish out." Ichigo said as he pulled her into a hug. Yoruichi nuzzled into his chest as she said,

"I know, but I have to go away this weekend to." Ichigo raised an eyebrow as he asked,

"Where to? And please don't tell me Urahara needs your help moving that filthy shop of his or something stupid like that." Yoruichi blushed for the first time in her very long life as she said,

"Well..." Ichigo cut her off and said,

"It IS that isn't it?" He felt Yoruchi nod and he sighed.

"It'll only take a couple of days, but since it'll probably take you that long on your mission, we need to find a sitter for Kouken." Yoruichi said as she got out her husband's embrace to look him in the eye.

"How about Rukia and Toushiro?" The were-cat suggested. Ichigo shook his head and replied,

"Rukia's gonna have to take care of my work while I'm gone so she won't be available, and Toushiro doesn't like kids." Yoruichi thought for a moment before saying,

"Ulquiorra and Orihime?" Again Ichigo shook his head and said,

"Ulquiorra's one of the Captains going on the mission, and Orihime's going to use the time alone to go visit with Tatsuki and everyone in Karakura." Yoruichi racked her brain trying to think of someone suitable to leave Kouken with until she came to a conclusion.

"Well there's always Soifon." The were-cat said. Ichigo went over and covered Kouken's ears as he said,

"Hell no. That woman hates me!" Yoruichi then countered,

"But she loves Kouken and I'll be the one to drop him off so you don't have to talk to her." Ichigo replied, his hands still over his son's ears,

"Sure she loves him, but she's never spent more than an hour with him, and even then at least one of us around the whole time." Yoruichi sighed, as Ichigo let go of his son's head. Kouken, having finished eating, ran outside to play leaving his parents to discuss his living arrangements for the weekend.

"What's you're problem? You're talking like she's gonna try and cook him as soon as we leave." Yourichi said as soon as Kouken was out of earshot. Ichigo flashed his trademark scowl and replied,

"Well that IS what witches do." Soon they were both staring each other down. After a minute Ichigo sighed, a clear indicator he had given up.

"Should we take him over now, or later?" Yoruichi asked as she smirked in victory. Ichigo cursed under his breath and said,

"Better do it now and get it over with."

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><p>Yoruichi carried Kouken piggyback as she Flash Stepped toward the Second Division. Soifon was currently doing her daily paperwork, when Yoruichi suddenly appeared on top of her desk. Soifon looked up in surprise and stuttered out,<p>

"L-Lady Y-Yoruichi!" Yoruichi laughed at her apprentice, loving the fact she still got so flustered around her.

"Hi Aunt Soifon!" Kouken said as he waved from Yoruichi's back. Soifon composed herself and gave a rare smile as she said,

"Hello Kouken." Yoruichi jumped off the desk and sat her son down. The were-cat turned to her apprentice and said,

"I need you to watch Kouken for the weekend." Soifon nearly fell out of her chair when she heard that. She loved Kouken very much, even though she despised his father, but she had never spent much time with him and didn't have the foggiest idea on how to handle a child.

"W-Well, I suppose..." Soifon started, only to be cut off by Yoruichi.

"Great! I'll be here to pick him up by Sunday afternoon, nighttime by the latest. This has all of the clothes he'll need, and a couple of his favorite movies." The were-cat as she shoved an Iron Man backpack at Soifon.

"Bye sweetie, see you later." Yoruichi said as she knelt down and kissed her son's head. Kouken hugged his mother one last time before she left, a gesture she returned. The were-cat then Flash Stepped out of Soifon's office. The normally calm, cool, and collected Captain of the Second Division was panicking! She had absolutely no idea how to take care of a child! She was just happy that he wasn't a baby or else she really would be screwed. The feeling of something poking her arm shook her from her thoughts, as she looked down to see Kouken standing there.

"Aunt Soifon, are you okay?"

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW! Well there's part one, part 2 coming soon.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

A Weekend at Soifon's

Bleach and all related characters belong to Tite Kubo. My OC belongs to me and me alone!

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><p>Soifon had recovered from her initial shock and went on do to finish her paperwork. Kouken had pulled out his Nintendo 3DS and was playing Lego Star Wars on the couch that was in Soifon's office. The petite Captain occasionally glanced over at her surrogate nephew, who still hadn't moved from his spot on the couch.<p>

'Maybe I can handle this."Soifon thought as she continued to work. However, Kouken soon got bored playing his game and walked over to Soifon's desk.

"Aunt Soifon, can I go out and play?" The little boy asked. Soifon looked at her pile of paperwork, which was nowhere near done, then back to Kouken as she said,

"I'm sorry, but I need to finish my work and you need some form of supervision." Kouken pouted a little as he sullenly said,

"Oh, okay." The boy then slowly walked back over to the couch and laid down on it as he sighed. Soifon hated to see the son of her master so disappointed, so she did the only thing she could think of.

"How about we go for a walk?" Soifon said as she got up from her desk. Kouken shot up from the couch and ran over to her.

"But what about your work stuff?" The orange haired boy asked. Kouken always thought about other people before himself when he knew they had something to do.

"I've got that handled." Pigtailed Captain said as she took Kouken's hand and they walked out of the office. When they got outside, Soifon saw her fat Lieutenant asleep at his desk.

"OMAEDA!" Soifon barked at the man. He quickly jerked his head up and began pretending like he was working, something that caused his Captain to glare.

"I'm going out for a while, and I need you to finish up my paperwork. If I come back and it's not done or messed up in anyway then I'm taking away your lunch hour for the next five months." The man didn't say a word as he scrambled into the Captain's office and began to work harder than he had in his entire life. Kouken laughed at the Omaeda's antics as he and his surrogate aunt walked out of the Second Division, which caused Soifon to again smile at the boy. Kouken was one of the two people that could bring a smile to her face, the other was the boy's mother.

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><p>The two walked around the Seireitei, well Soifon walked while Kouken ran from one thing to another to inspect it. Kouken had a cat like level of curiosity, a little side effect of having a were-cat for a mother. Soifon was patient enough to not be annoyed by this, that is until they came across one Rangiku Matsumoto. Kouken had never really been around Rangiku that much, mainly because she rarely visited his home or father's Division, but there was one thing that always that made the boy curious about the woman.<p>

"Hello Captain Soifon. Oh and who's this?" The blond woman said as she greeted the short Captain, and her shorter companion.

"Hello Lieutenant Matsumoto. This is Kouken Kurosaki, I'm watching him for Lady Yoruichi." Soifon replied in her usual direct manner. Kouken just continued to stare at the busty blond as the Lieutenant looked down at him and ruffled his hair as she said,

"I should've recognized him with that orange hair! Yep he's definitely Ichigo's son!" Suddenly out of nowhere the orange haired boy said,

"Are those things heavy?" It took a few seconds before either woman caught what he said. Rangiku busted out with laughter as Soifon began to blush heavily at the embarrassment of the situation. Apparently Ichigo hadn't told his son how to censor what kind of questions he asked other people.

'It has to be his father's fault! Lady Yoruichi would never make a mistake like that!' Soifon mentally ranted as she quickly picked up Kouken and Flash Stepped away from the hysterical Lieutenant

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><p>Once they were away from Rangiku, Soifon put Kouken down and looked at him sternly as she said,<p>

"Kouken, you don't ask a woman something like that! I don't care if your curious or not, it's not polite or proper!" Kouken looked down at the ground as a couple of tears rolled down his face, which caused Soifon to pause.

"It just looked like she could get hurt carrying those big things around. She's a nice lady and I don't want her to get hurt." Kouken whimpered out. Soifon then realized he was just worrying about Rangiku getting hurt. Soifon smiled at the boy's innocence as she softly said,

"That's very sweet of you, but it still isn't something you should ask a woman." Soifon then hugged the boy, who then hugged her back. After he dried his tears, Kouken spotted another person and ran over to them. Soifon paled a little when she saw who it was, Captain Hitsugaya.

"Hi Toushiro, wanna play?" Kouken asked as he greeted the child like Captain. Yes, even after eight years, Toushiro Hitsugaya was still very short, though he was psychically in his late teens at this point in time. Still he was short enough for Kouken to constantly mistake him for a 12 year old, and was therefore a possible playmate.

"It's Captain Hitsugaya, and where are your parents?" Toushiro said as a tic mark began to form on his head. Soifon ran up behind Kouken and said,

"Kouken, you shouldn't be bothering Captain Hitsugaya." The dark skinned boy looked up at his babysitter and said,

"I'm not bothering him! We're best friends!" Toushiro sighed as he decided to change the subject.

"Have either of you seen Rangiku? She's got a desk full of work to do, and I've been looking for an hour." The white haired Captain said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Soifon sympathized with his trouble and pointed him in the right direction.

"Bye Toushiro! Maybe we can play later!" Kouken called after the short Captain, which again embarrassed Soifon. After the ice-wielding Captain was out of sight, Soifon turned to her charge and said,

"You do know that Captain Hitsugaya is a lot older than you don't you?" Kouken looked at her with a confused face and replied,

"He's seven?" Soifon couldn't help but chuckle a little at the boy's response, and decided not to tell him that Toushiro was actually 140 years older than him. After finishing their walk, Kouken and Soifon walked back into her office only to find all of her paperwork done with Omaeda passed out on the couch. After running Omaeda out of her office, Soifon decided to return to her quarters.

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><p>Soifon's living quarters were fairly simple, a living room, bedroom, and bath with not much else. As they walked into the living room, Soifon noticed a new addition in her furniture. A large HD television with a blu-ray player next to it. Taped to the top of the TV was a note, which Soifon went over to read.<p>

"_Dear Bumblebee,_

_I knew you didn't have a television or anything to play Kouken's movies on, so before I left I had had this brought over,_

_Sincerely, Yoruichi." _ The note said. Soifon was happy that Yoruichi had thought ahead like that. Unfortunately, The Second Division Captain had no idea how to operate the thing. Fortunately, Kouken knew how to, much to Soifon's relief. Soifon wanted to get some training done, but Kouken demanded she watch a movie with him. Kouken didn't exactly care which one so he let Soifon pick. She took a look at both films, one was entitled "Thor" with the image of a blond bearded man with a hammer on the cover. Soifon didn't think much of it but after reading the synopsis on the back decided the film wouldn't be all that terrible. She then looked over at the other one, entitled "Toy Story" which seemed to be a very childish movie as far as Soifon was concerned. So, they ended up watching Thor. Twenty minutes into the film, Soifon had to admit it was interesting. This "Asgard" had many similarities to Soul Society, they were even commanded by an old man similar to how the Seireitei had been under Yamamoto. Soon the film was over, and Soifon had to admit that it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be.

"Isn't Thor cool Aunt Soifon?" Kouken asked with giddy excitement.

"Well he certainly seemed powerful, but I highly doubt he could stand against a Captain or even an Arrancar." Soifon said critically, which caused Kouken to ask,

"Does that mean Daddy could beat him?" Soifon thought for a moment before she answered. She never complimented Ichigo, or anyone really aside from Yoruichi or Kouken. Then again she didn't want to hurt the boy's feelings, and it wasn't really a compliment to say someone could defeat a fictional character. Besides, Ichigo's Bankai level made him on par with Kenpachi Zaraki in terms of overall power and compared to what she say in the movie, Ichigo would without a doubt be the victor.

"Of course he could." Soifon finally said. This made Kouken smile as he said,

"Yeah, I think Daddy could win to!" After that, Kouken wanted to watch Toy Story, which Soifon was sure would be idiotic. But sure enough she was proven wrong. She found the idea that toys were really alive ridiculous, but she did chuckle a little at some of the jokes in the movie. Soifon even felt a little for the toy named Woody about missing his time with his owner, she felt the same way for a long time after Yoruichi left. After the movie was over, it was nearly 8:00 which meant it was time for Kouken to go to bed. After she sent him to brush his teeth, Soifon then remembered that she didn't have a guest bed. She never had anyone else in her home so she didn't see the need for one. It seemed that Kouken would need to sleep on the couch.

'No! I cannot let Lady Yoruichi's son sleep on the couch like some kind of animal!' Soifon thought as she went to the bath room to see Kouken already dressed for bed. Soifon took his hand and lead him to her bed room, and tucked him in. She went over to her dresser and took out one of her nightgowns and a blanket.

"Goodnight, Kouken." She said as she kissed his head. As she was about to shut the door, boy called out,

"Can you leave the door open?" Soifon let a small smile grace her face as she did as the boy asked.

"Goodnight Aunt Soifon." Kouken said as he drifted off to sleep. Soifon sighed as she got dressed for bed and and bedded down on the couch.

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><p>It was 5:00 in the morning when the door to Soifon's quarters opened, to reveal one tired Ichigo, having gotten back from his mission early. He came to pick up Kouken because he didn't want him around Soifon anymore than he needed to be. As he peaked into the moonlit living room, he saw Kouken lying on top of Soifon on the couch. He then saw they were both hugging each other, with Soifon holding him tightest. The orange haired Vizard smiled as he exited Soifon's quarters.<p>

"Maybe she's a good witch after all." Ichigo mused aloud as he headed home.

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW!<strong>


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